Leah McCann Smith | Writer & Editor

About a month ago, suddenly and surprisingly, the firm I was working for was not able to renew my permalance contract for reasons unknown. Consider my tongue held.

Last month, I wrote about it. A few weeks ago, I took a trip to the beach. And this past week, I got to work a trade show in Las Vegas. It’s been an adventure.

But what’s next? Why has this question been so hard to work out? Am I rushing to try to figure it all out too quickly?

Things I think about:

• Budget. How much money will I need as a freelancer to pay my bills and maintain my lifestyle? (Zoey!)
• Health insurance. Since my health insurance ended on the last day of my contract, I’ve got to be a big girl and buy it on my own. Right?
• Travel. I’m going to take some time to think this summer (while still freelancing, ’cause a girl’s gotta eat). But how long can I afford to do this? Can I swallow that West Coast plane ticket cost to see my favorite Brit who I begrudgingly forgive for choosing the other side of the country for a long-overdue visit to the States?
• Family. Especially during hard times, family is the most important. Visiting family now is more important than ever.

It’s strange—I have no PTO to keep track of, no full-time employer to report to. So why am I sitting here wishing I had PTO to keep track of, and a full-time employer to report to?

It’s hard to separate truly living from how to pay for it. And here we are again talking about plane tickets and budgets and my bank account.

I’m calling month two of funemployment “the makeup.” Because month two, for me, is getting up and putting on a little makeup. It’s brushing myself off and making up with myself for all the mistakes and fear. It’s moving on and figuring shit out. And it feels pretty good so far!